Fucking with the Stars
Release Year: 2006
Cast: Arpad Miklos, Derrick Hanson, Derrick Vinyard, Jamie Donovan, Kevin Brown, Luca DiCorso, Manuel Torres, Zackary Pierce, Billy Masters, Bruce Vilanch, Chi Chi LaRue
Genres:
Muscle,
Oral,
Anal, Kissing,
Cumshot, Rimming, Tattoo
Video language: English
"
Fucking with the Stars" fares less well as a send-up of the similarly-named TV
show than as an opportunity for Coco LaChine and Chi Chi LaRue to do their comic turns. LaChine and crew go for absolute broke and end up being as much a part of the fun as the actual
fucking. As far as prizes go, a chunky, silver spray-painted
dildo that's studded with gewgaws may not be worth coveting. But the notoriety that comes along with being crowned star fucker is another matter. Four
porn stars are paired with a counterpart. Here is where the "Dancing with the Stars" tie-in doesn't quite work. It's never clear just who is supposed to be the seasoned "dancer" and who is the celebrity brought in for ratings. In the end, does it really matter? The introductory antics in
porn comedies, here hosted by the lovely LaChine, is something I usually get quickly bored with. Not here. The three judges: director Chi Chi LaRue, gossip columnist Billy Masters, and jack-of-all-trades Bruce Vilanch, seemed to completely go along with the conceit of an on-air talent competition, and though the jabs and jibes were all too scripted, their execution of the scripted remarks went over well. The
first of the contestants is the darling Kevin Brown, a twink whose aw-shucks sweetness seems entirely too genuine to be a put-on. And like the other hopefuls who follow, Kevin does a seductive strip-tease for the judges before the real performance gets underway. After shaking
his money-maker in their faces (nearly putting Vilanch into coronary arrest) Kevin makes
his way to a perfectly concentric bed onstage. Putting me in mind of a circus ring, it seemed the ideal place to be if you're gonna be scored on how well you perform in the sack. And was there ever a more cunning display than Kevin
ass-up on a circular bed?
He's joined by
his partner, Zackary Pierce, who treats our
boy to a gentle massage before flipping
him over and latching onto
his prick. Kevin loses a few points for
eye contact (at times
he transports himself right out of the scene by keeping
his eyes clamped shut or throwing a forearm over
his brow) but compensates with a scorching 69. And this pup never loses
his wood when Zackary
fucks him on
his back, gloriously showcasing
his one-of-a-kind sunburst tattoo. Moments after Kevin blows
his load,
he appears before the judge's panel in a simple white terrycloth robe, the sound of canned applause sparkling underneath, an excellent opportunity for Bruce Vilanch to get off a few witty zingers. The groundwork is laid for a few running gags, the evaluation of each successive models' performance is always the same dizzy-headed repeat of a few meaningless phrases and the judges always give the exact same scores. With each successive film I see Manuel Torres in, I become more and more unglued. A hairy fireplug with a penchant for spit-soaked pig
sex,
his heavy-handed bump-and-grind routine made me blush.
Watching him tease
his own foreskin, all I could think about was sniffing
his stripper pole. Derrick Hanson gets a healthy whiff of Manuel's
ass and a few
deep sucks on Manny's hole when Manuel sits on
his face. The rimming's mutual and by the time these two are finished tasting each other, they're shiny with sweat. Derrick should get a prize just for withstanding Manuel's full-on
fuck. The
cum-shot that closes this vignette, Manuel standing over Derrick's shoulder and shooting streams of spunk over one flexing pec, is breathtaking. But of all the participants cornholing for the grand title, I was most envious of Luca DiCorso. I'd have to bow out on this one, as I'd surely fail to be fair and impartial judging Arpad Miklos. Arpad brings out the very
best in Luca, beginning with a passionate roll around the bed, spiked with
deep kisses.
Watching Luca peel off Arpad deliciously tight undies, freeing
his pulsing uncut masterpiece? Heaven, sheer heaven. Things only escalate from there. For most of the time they spend together, performing for the judges, Luca is curled up onto
his shoulder blades, Arpad's thick tongue up
his crack or
his mouth sucking the life from
his dick. Forget the studded
dildo -- this is the real prize! Arpad's prick buried
deep took some getting used to but once Luca found
his rhythm,
he's a shoo-in for
first place, due in no
small part to
his scene partner. The last competitor, Derrick Vinyard, is a prime piece of beef. Coco makes it clear before Derrick even appears that
he's secured
her vote. Of the go-go performances,
he gets the gold star for sheer
sex appeal and heartiest wood, despite
his overdone
facial expressions, à la Billy Idol.
His partner, Jamie Donovan, is a slender twinkie I hadn't seen before. Jamie gets busy blowing Derrick, and almost seems surprised when Derrick pulls
him up for an intense make-out session. The rimming Derrick receives is equally intense.
He makes the most of the moment, pulling the tops of
his thighs into
his chest, fully exposing
his chute for service. Not surprisingly, Derrick tops
his thinner, younger-looking buddy. And no Derrick appearance would be complete without
his trademark litany of dirty-talk. Each time I see Derrick on a cast roster, I tell myself I'm not going to melt when
he starts cooing like a drunken frat-
boy with
his dick buried
deep inside some hole. But each time, I melt nonetheless.
Format: mp4
Duration: 1:53:16
Video: 720x544, AVC (H.264), 2029kbps
Audio: 124kbps
File size: 1.8 GB
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